For more information, contact Cindy Young, (937) 775-3232.

December 5, 1997

THE GRUDGE THAT STOLE CHRISTMAS

The gift of forgiveness may be the most important gift you give someone this holiday season. It may be also the best gift you give yourself, according to Marjorie Baker, Ph.D., an assistant professor of social work at Wright State University and an expert on the subject of forgiveness.

Whether it's an inadvertent meeting over the punch bowl at the office holiday party or in the in-laws' kitchen during the annual family holiday gathering, coming face-to-face with someone you hold a grudge against can ruin your day.

"Holding on to anger, resentment and unforgiveness costs us a lot of energy. Forgiveness frees us up to experience inner peace, more joy and better health," said Baker, who has a doctorate in social work from The Ohio State University. "If you have reached adulthood, the chances are great that someone, at some point in time, has harmed you unjustly, and the chances are also great that there's been someone that you have had difficulty forgiving.
"Many of us have been taught to forgive and forget. But, in reality, we don't forget. We need to give ourselves permission to remember, and deal with the hurt, yet still forgive."

At workshops on forgiveness for educators, healthcare providers, social workers, church and women's groups, Baker tries to clear up misconceptions about what forgiveness is and is not.

"We talk about the who, what, why and how of forgiveness," she said. "Who do you forgive? Should you forgive everyone who has harmed you? What do you forgive? Are there some injuries and offenses that are unforgivable? Why do you forgive? What are the advantages and disadvantages of forgiveness? Most importantly, we discuss how to forgive."

Baker has identified six types of "pseudo-forgiveness," which are based on revenge, restitution, expectation, duty, intellect and contrition. But it is unconditional forgiveness that brings freedom and healing. "A truly forgiving heart leaves the door open and welcomes the wrong-doer back into your emotional world," Baker said.

Return to the News Releases page.

Go to the WSU News & Calendars page.