THIS PAPER ASKS YOU TO THINK ABOUT AND EXPRESS HOW YOU HAVE USED
NEW INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS
IN YOUR LIFE SINCE YOU BEGAN THIS CLASS.
You will write this paper 4 times throughout the course, evaluating
4 DIFFERENT communication skills which you chose to practice.
Perform the skill in a conversation with another person. Evaluate
your use of the skill.
Tell me the name of the skill/behavior that you're applying. Put
this on your cover sheet and/or the beginning of your paper.
Please answer all of the following questions. Number your paper
to indicate which question you are answering. Use the communication
skills list!
Evaluation:
This paper will be evaluated based on your THOROUGHNESS in
responding to the questions. Please include LOTS of examples.
It will also be evaluated based on your correct use of spelling,
grammar and punctuation. Points will be deducted for errors. PLEASE
PROOFREAD! It is your responsibility to find errors. This paper
is worth 20 points. Average paper length is usually 2 pages.
1. DEFINITION AND EXPLANATION OF THE SKILL
What skill/concept did you use? Give a detailed definition of
the skill/concept. (Use your textbook and handbook as a resource
to answer this question.)
2. USE OF THE SKILL
A. Put me in the situation. Who were you talking to? Where were
you when this took place (physical context)? What did you say?
What did you do? Include your verbal and non-verbal behaviors.
B. What did the other person say? What did they do? Include their
verbal and non-verbal behaviors.
C. How did you feel before, during, and after you used the skill?
Explain. (Hint: Say "I felt ______ before I used the skill
because _________. I felt ________ while I used the skill because
__________. I felt __________ after I used the skill because _______________.")
D. On a scale from 1-10 (1=low, 10=high), how well do you think
you used this skill? Why not higher? Why not lower? (Self-evaluation)
Note: Include samples of actual dialog if it applies. Make sure
you are speaking descriptively, precisely and concretely. Focus
on actual behaviors, not abstract generalizations.
3. EVALUATION/CRITIQUE OF THE SKILL
A. How did the skill work for you? Did it accomplish what you
wanted it to? Why/why not? (Skill evaluation.)
B. How could the skill have been used better i.e., what could
improve your use of this skill (different setting, different timing,
different person, different attitude, more practice, etc.)?
C. Tell me about the value of this skill. How is it helpful? In
what situations do you believe this skill works best?
D. Tell me about your future plan for using this skill. Will you
use it again? Why/why not? Who will you use it on? In what types
of situations? Note: Use examples to support your points. Be specific
and concrete. Too much detail is better than too little!
Remember that this is an experiment. Choose a skill you have learned
about in this class (from the text and/or from class discussions)
and TRY THEM OUT on someone! In order to increase your communication
competence, practice using skills you currently do not use very
often or are "rusty" with. Consider trying out a skill
that will help you met your goal from your Learning Contract.
You are not graded on how well you use the skill - rather you
are graded on how well you analyze the skill and your experience
with it.
How Papers are Graded:
20 - 18 A 100% - 90% shows creativity; in- depth understanding
of concepts
17 - 16 B 89% - 80% shows some creativity and understanding
15 - 14 C 79% - 70% meets assignment - basically
answers the questions in the application guideline
13 - 12 D 69% - 60% partially fails to meet assignment
11 - 0 F 59% - 0% fails to meet half of assignment
requirements
These are to be conscious, pre-planned attempts on your part to use the skill, after it is explained in class. (Not "In retrospect, I'm aware I used .")
These are not to be done with another class member; they are to be done with another person outside of class.
Name, date, and title of the application is to be on a cover page of your paper.
Review the Writing Guildlines
Application Paper
Name of Student
1. I chose the skill of asking for feedback. This skill involved asking someone important to me for positive feedback, a compliment, to reinforce my self-esteem.
2. I wasn't sure whom to ask at first, but I finally decided to call my ex-boyfriend. He is still a very good friend and probably knows more about me than anyone else. So, I sat down the other night and called him. We talked about other things going on in our lives at the beginning of the call; there wasn't much to talk about since I'd just seen him the other day. Then, I explained the assignment to him and asked him to pay me a compliment. I narrowed it down to something about my ability to have a long-term relationship. He laughed at first, partly because he didn't think I was serious and partly because he wasn't sure what to say. I told him he could take his time; he didn't need to think of something at that particular moment. He finally agreed to do it, but would have to call me back.
He called me back the next evening. He said it wasn't because
he couldn't think of anything, but because he wanted it to sound
sincere. I believe him. If I were asked to compliment someone,
I would want some time to think about it too. He told me, "If
I could pick one thing I found most appealing about you, it was
a sense that you have a marvelous capacity for loving others,
and that you are patiently waiting for the right person to share
it with. And, once done you would probably do all you could do
to make it work, because it would be the most important thing
in your life."
I wasn't sure what to say. I was crying, because coming
from him that really meant a lot to me. I thanked him for saying
it, but it probably wasn't a very good thank you. Then, we said
goodnight.
Before I used this skill I felt a little awkward about asking someone to say something nice about me. I was also nervous about what would be said, and about how the other person would react. I was still nervous, and maybe even a little embarrassed while I was using this skill and listening to the compliment. It took a few minutes for it all to sink in, and for me to understand what he had said. I think I was afraid that he might not be able to think of anything nice to say. After he complimented me, I was even more embarrassed, and I cried. I never know what to say or do when someone says something nice about me. I usually ignore it, but I had asked for this one, so it was a little overwhelming for me.
On a scale from 1-10, I would rate this effort a 6. I wouldn't rate it any higher because I did it by phone instead of in person. I did that so I wouldn't have to look at the person who was paying me the compliment. It was easier that way, but would have been more beneficial to me if I had done this in person. On the other hand, I wouldn't rate it any lower, because just the fact that I did it at all is an accomplishment. I like to hear nice things about myself, but not ask for them.
3. The skill worked okay for me. I got interesting information
about myself from someone whose opinion is important to me. It
was also information that he might never have shared with me if
I hadn't asked. I felt better about myself afterwards, so it
did manage to boost my self-esteem too.
More practice could make this skill easier to use. I'm not
sure that I will ever be comfortable asking for compliments, but
the more I do it, will make it easier. I need to work on being
able to look at the person giving the compliment. I also think
that the more I do this, the better my self-confidence will be,
thus making this easier to do.
This skill is very valuable. I think we all need feedback from people we can trust. We need to get both positive and negative feedback, but being able to handle positive feedback will make it easier for us to deal with the negative. Asking for positive feedback will help raise self-esteem so that when the negative comes along we can deal with it in a more constructive way.
I will use this skill again. It is nice to hear positive things about myself. I don't think however, it will be a skill I use very often, but I need to build up my self-esteem. I will use it with my friends first, to build up my personal self-esteem. I think the more I know, and the better I feel about the good things about me, the better able I will be to improve the others. I will also use this some at work. I would like to get some positive feedback about my job performance from my boss. That doesn't happen very much. I think it is important for me to keep improving in my field, to know what my strengths are, so I can concentrate on improving my weaker points.